Happiness.

Yesterday I had a weird dream.

I was a grown up man, and had returned home to my parents after several years. I was tired and sick and was lying in the lap of my mother. I was not well and had a headache I guess. I asked my mom to massage my head.

Here I must say that my mom has magical fingers when it comes to any of these two things- giving a soothing massage or making the finest rotis! Cooking anything for that matter as I remember now.

Well, getting back to my narration, as I asked my mom, she seemed to get a bit pensive and replied that her fingers have grown weak with age and they hurt . She cannot move them the way she used to. I suddenly couldn't remember when was the last time I had felt that soothing touch touch on my forehead. I couldn't remember when was the last time I had eaten her rotis, the last time I had helped her in her morning chores so that she doesn't get late to work, the last time I had waited eagerly for my mom and dad to come back from work so that we could eat together, and the last time I had told her that she was the best mom in the world, nor could I recall the last time I had put my head on her lap.

I woke up with horror, and found rears rolling down my eyes.

Suddenly the dream seemed too real and close. Now, completely awake, I still couldn't recall when was the last time I had done any of those above things. And I couldn't foresee my future any different from what I saw in my dreams. The tears never stopped pouring as I continued to be awed by the future.

At the dead of the night as the world slept (except most IITians ) , here was I pondering over the biggest challenge to all philosophers- what exactly construes happiness?

Here I am, in an institution that I had dreamt of since my childhood, learning things that are at times fascinating as well as intriguing. Though some of the things have not been as rosy as I had dreamt of them in my childhood, I couldn’t have had a better present, isn’t it?

Some time back when I joined this place, I had the chance of opting for another institute, though not as good or well known as an IIT in my hometown. I could have then enjoyed all that I miss now- all that I can enjoy only in my dreams and for a few days twice a year. I could have continued to enjoy her rotis and all those simple pleasures of life. But, would I have been happier?

I don’t think so. Then I would have missed living my dream of studying at a place like this. Besides studies, this place has also taught me a lot more things about life and people- some I would cherish forever, some I’d like to forget. One cannot have all that one aspires. Sometimes, you need to let go of some things to hold on to others. Sometimes, you need to forget old dreams so that you can achieve new ones.

I feel, no one can achieve absolute happiness. Pursuit of that elusive mirage is what drives this world. Once you have everything, then there is nothing more to fight for, and nothing more to live for. I am not an atheist, but I do ask you one thing, what would you prefer- achieve nirvana, the final fruit of all pursuits and retire from this rat race or continue to struggle in this seemingly unfair world with all its faults and.

Well there is no correct answer, and as I go back to sleep, I feel I would still like to continue the way it is now. I don’t want to know what my future is going to be, nor where shall I be. I just want it all to be the way it is.